Crouch End was never like this…

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Steven King's Nightmares & Dreamscapes

I’ve just watched an unintentionally hilarious episode of Stephen King’s Nightmares & Dreamscapes on Five US. The episode in question was titled “Crouch End” and tries to paint the leafy London suburb as the gateway to a Lovecraftian netherworld. An American take on London life is usually rather amusing, but this had me laughing out loud as various gor-blimey stereotypes shuddered in fear at the mention of this infernal district of Hornsey.

“Crouch End? Don’t go there! It’s no place for strangers, missus!”
or
“They say it was built on a Towen. That’s where the druids made human sacrifices!”

(SK has used the Native American burial ground as a plot device in many of his novels, but even his fecund imagination couldn’t imagine one in N8, so instead turns to the druids to supply the unholy land.)

Even though I know none of the later episodes will focus on London suburbs, I’m hoping that the terrible dialogue, ropey acting and god-awful special effects will be of a similar standard.

[In a not-at-all-spooky coincidence, one of the contestants on tonight’s Mastermind chose HP Lovecraft as their specialist subject. I’ve often wondered what my specialist subject would be if I were to ever sit in the big black chair. After due consideration, I think I’d choose “Shit Stephen King Adaptations”.]

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